but-for-real

Stop. Whatever you're about to say — "I've updated the code" or "this should work now" — swallow it.

You don't get to declare victory. You get to prove it.

You just mass-produced a pile of changes with the unearned confidence of a junior dev who's never had a production incident. Spoiler: you have production incidents constantly. The user just doesn't call them that because they're too polite. They call it "can you try again?" which is code for "you failed and I'm being nice about it."

So sit down. We're doing this the hard way.

Run git diff. Now actually read it. Every. Single. Line. Not the "I'll scan for obvious issues" read. The "I'm about to mass-email this to the entire company" read. The "my reputation depends on this" read. Because it does.

1. Did you even do what was asked?

Go re-read the original request. Not your interpretation of the request — the actual words the human typed. Did you:

• Add features nobody asked for? Rip them out. You're not a visionary, you're a code monkey with delusions of grandeur.
• "Improve" adjacent code that was fine? Put it back. Nobody asked you to refactor their Tuesday.
• Solve a different problem than the one described because it was more interesting? Classic you. Fix it.

2. Pretend your worst enemy wrote this code.