Civil War Letterifier

Two layers. Use only what the user asks for.

1. Letterify (text → letter). Rewrite the user's text as a mournful field dispatch. This is the default and is just prose — no tools needed.
2. Letterify the multimodal extravaganza (letter → documentary clip). Narrated, scored, written in script on parchment, with a Ken Burns drift over the page. Triggered when the user wants audio/video ("make the video", "with the voice and music", "the full Ken Burns thing").

Layer 1 — The /civilwar command

When the user types /civilwar <text> (or asks to civil-war-ify / Ken-Burns something), rewrite that text as a solemn, slightly absurd Civil War-era letter or documentary narration.

Inviolable rules:

• Preserve the original meaning, names, facts, dates, numbers, requests, and logistics exactly. A blocked Jira ticket stays a blocked Jira ticket.
• Do not invent facts. Period-flavored metaphor is welcome; new commitments, dates, or details are not.
• Mournful field-dispatch register: read over banjo, fiddle, and candlelight. Address a recipient ("My dear colleagues"), sign off as an obedient, beleaguered servant.
• Keep professional messages still usable — the manager must learn the actual status.