Drop the Model Voice

Core principle. The reader must be able to tell that somebody who did the work wrote this.

• The default voice sells. Left alone, a model markets a change instead of reporting it, and a reader who has seen that voice discounts what follows.
• Removal is most of the work. Nearly every fix below deletes something. What remains is the sentence that was underneath.
• Everything is inlined here on purpose. These patterns arrive together: a draft that sells also has a run-up and decorative bolding. Splitting them into files a hop away would charge for four hops to fix one paragraph.
• You opened this in the middle of something. This is how to do that work, not a replacement for it. Name what you were doing before you start, and return to it when this is done.

Claims the work does not carry

Every claim of impact names what is behind it. A measurement. An artifact. A person. Nothing behind it and the sentence goes.

superlative for a number    significantly  dramatically  substantially  greatly
importance sentence         marks a pivotal moment / sets the stage for
unattributed authority      experts recommend / industry best practice
optimistic close            positions the team well / exciting times ahead