Stay on Your Side of the Net

Interpersonal competence is the determinant of professional success. Most feedback fails because the giver "jumps the net"—making assumptions about the other person's motives rather than sticking to verifiable data. By staying on your side of the net, you shift the conversation from a defense of character to a collaborative problem-solving session.

The Framework: The Three Realities

In every interaction, there are three distinct realities. We are only ever privy to two of them.

1. Reality 1 (Inside Me): My intent, my history, and my thoughts. (Only I know this).
2. Reality 2 (The Shared Space): The behavior—what was actually said or done. This is the only reality we share. It is like a video recording.
3. Reality 3 (Inside You): The impact on you, your feelings, and your thoughts. (Only you know this).

The "Net" exists between Reality 2 and Reality 3. You jump the net when you claim to know someone else's intent (e.g., "You don't care" or "You're being insensitive").

The Feedback Workflow

Use this 3-part structure to address a "pinch" (a small irritation) before it becomes a "crunch" (a major conflict).